www.thedotdots.com

 

The following reports are genuine, but due to legal reasons, names and cases cannot be stated and as such, any coincidence in this report will be only coincidence as every effort has been taken to protect privacy of all involved… If you would like to add your story in strictest confidence, please get in touch...

Domestic Violence...

 

Advantages: There are none!

Disadvantages: No self esteem, and feelings of guilt of the innocent victims.

Review: Within These Walls...

I met my ex husband in 1988 when I went for a job interview. He was sitting at a desk outside the interview room and looked at me with melting brown eyes. It was a whirlwind romance, we bought a flat within 4 months of first going out together. However, what was to follow was 16 years of hell. until I finally found the courage to leave in 2004.

During our relationship and marriage, I was subjected to the following:

Physical violence: Worst was pushing me so hard against the bathroom sink that I suffered a miscarriage and had two fractured ribs. I had my hair pulled; face slapped and was punched on numerous occasions.

Sexual abuse: Made to perform oral sex and have intercourse without consent.

Mental abuse: I was not allowed to choose what I wore, for example I was not allowed to wear trousers. I had no money of my own so was controlled over all spending. I was made to feel worthless and that the marriage was the way it was because things were my fault. I lost contact with many of my family and friends because it was just easier not to have contact.

Why didn't I leave before? Because I believed every time that he told me I wouldn't survive without him. I believed him every time he hit me and cried after that he was sorry. I believed every lie and that every punch or hair pull or snide remark would be the last one.

Every day I thank my best friend J. who finally gave me the courage to leave him. My ex husband and I had two sons together and the problem with an abuser is that they are usually clever. He never hit me or passed nasty comments in front of the boys. However, J had seen over the years that I was run down emotionally and physically and couldn't take anymore.

By chance, I found out that I would be entitled to Housing Benefit if I left which meant that I was able to rent a house and have somewhere to move into. Ring your local council if you find yourself in a similar position. They are very helpful and sympathetic to cases of escape from domestic violence.

Useful websites include:

www.childline.org.uk (aimed at dealing with the issues children have who have witnessed domestic abuse)

www.homeoffice.gov.uk  (advice from the police)

www.womensaid.org.uk (charity run by women who will give advice and support.)

They even have a special button on the website so you can hide what you were looking at if you are in the position of trying to access information with a violent partner around.

The best advice I could give anyone who is suffering domestic violence is to find the courage to get out of the situation. I spent 16 years thinking that everything was my fault, that I was hit because I was a bad person, that I was publicly humiliated because that was what I deserved and that every name called and every punch thrown, well surely the blame lay with me for that, didn't it? No actually. The abuser is the one with the problem.

Can we stop here for a minute and just say that this review isn't about men and how bad they are, because men are often the victims too. It is very important to remember that. Domestic violence is the subject that is being discussed, not violence by men. I'll get off my soapbox now.

So, to sum up. Domestic violence. No excuse for it, ever.

You can't stop it happening if you are the victim because whatever you do, the abuser will find something wrong with it. That is their fault, not yours if you are suffering this.

What to do? Please find the courage to escape. Find a friend you can trust or contact a refuge or the police. Just don't stay for as long as I did, being a victim of someone else's perverted sense of right and wrong.

And best of all, not only do I have that all important Decree Absolute now that cut the last ties with this man, I have a new partner who has made me trust in not only him but also myself. And I wear what I want and he tells me I look gorgeous! The only thing he would ever throw at me is an admiring glance.

Summary: Mindless and inexcusable, domestic violence is for cowards.

• Anorexia Nervosa / Bulimia Nervosa

• A Woman Thing

• Bioforce

• Birth Grief

• Body Peace

• Bullying

• Cancer Care

• Childline UK & ZA

• Deafness

• Diabetes

• Dyspraxia

• Famine

• First Aid

• Haemophilia

• HIV & Aids

• Incense

• Injury Lawyers

• Leukemia & Lymphoma

• Meningitis / Septicaemia

• Mental Health

• Myeloma

• Sightsavers